.dream.

wednesday night i had a dream.

and before you read on and get disappointed, i'm not going to go into detail as to what it was. 

but i know it was important. it felt important. it felt good. it was the best dream i'd ever had, and when i woke up the first thing i thought (besides "dang it. real life again.") was "i finally know more than anything, what it is i truly want." i wanted it to be real that bad.

and now i wish i'd never had it, because this dream will never come true. not that it can't it just won't. i know deep down it won't, the same deep down that wants it to come true.

i wish i knew what dreams meant. i wish i knew why we have them. i wonder how much God controls our dreams? i honestly don't know. it would seem divine torture if He gave me a dream that wouldn't come true. i don't think God deals in the "look what might have beens"

so. it was the best dream i'd ever had. and i wish i'd never had it.

Micah 7: 7-8

"But as for ME, I will look to the Lord;I will wait for the God of my salvation; my God WILL hear me. Rejoice not over me, O my enemy; WHEN I fall, I SHALL rise; WHEN I sit in darkness, the Lord WILL be a light to me." Micah 7:7-8

Basically, when life sucks, don’t give up, just wait for God. He doesn’t make you wait because He’s slow about doing something about it. Or because He is still trying to figure out what to do. He wants you and me to LEARN to trust Him. That’s why we have to wait.

And satan better not have a party WHEN I get knocked down, cuz I’m gonna get up again and again and again. When life is crap, the Lord will be a light to me. I’ll fail big time. Like EPIC fail. I already know that. BUT it won’t be permanent.

One more thing. God tests us, not to figure out what we’ll do. He already KNOWS exactly what we will do. He tests us to show US what WE will do. God didn’t have to guess if Abraham would be willing to kill Isaac. He already knew. But imagine how big it was for ABRAHAM to really know that when it came down to it, his faith was for real.

Just some things God has been showing me lately.

the book

I have very little written on my book. its like i'm waiting for something. that inspiration and it will catch fire and flame on.

i do have the font that i want to write it in. its a font of my own handwriting. so thats where the book is at. waiting. but still very much happening.

i have also developed some other ideas for it though. clothing. what do they wear? (nevermind who THEY are) i may post some concept art later. 

also i was considering a style of writing that was similar to a diary. (who does THAT anymore?) taking one day at a time, and translating it into fiction. for example, if i happened to have a witchy professor (which thankfully i don't) that person would be an ACTUAL witch in my story. just a thought.

so. the .escape. is still on.

.escape.

i'm planning to write a novel. and i'm planning to finish it. 

like everyone, i've started books before, because i've thought it'd be fun to write a book. i don't think i've ever gotten beyond 10 pages before i gave up. all i have for my novel is a title & a million ideas. i'm going to call it: .escape. 

.escape. from what? definitely not some simple story about escaping from a horrible dungeon of torture. (cheez pleez?) more than that. its not enough to write just for adventure's sake or to stimulate other's imaginations. i want .escape. to mean something. and it will.